Domestic Violence: Healthy, Unhealthy, or Abusive?

Greeting’s Readers!

Domestic violence is a type of abusive behavior that is part of a systematic pattern of power and control enacted by one partner against another. Did you know that in Arizona in 2019, there was 96 lives lost due to domestic violence? The severity and frequency of domestic violence vary dramatically case by case, but it does not discriminate. 42.6% of women and 33.4% of men living in Arizona have experienced either intimate partner physical/sexual violence and/or intimate partner stalking. There are laws put into place that protect the community from domestic violence offenders, especially when it comes to firearms. Any individual who has been convicted of misdemeanor crimes of domestic violence is prohibited from carrying a firearm during their probationary period or longer depending on the judge’s discretion. There are also other laws put into place that have been created.

Now knowing what domestic violence is, how common it is in our state, and how you may be protected by law, let’s look at examples of different colored flags in relationships. In the beginning of a relationship, we are preoccupied with getting to know someone and obtaining that connection that we sometimes misjudge yellow or red flags as green flags. Here are the flag colors and examples of behaviors for each:

Green flags (these are great signs of a loving and healthy relationship)

  • Know how to express feelings – all feelings are good – approach is everything

  • Active listening and sensitive

  • They do the things they say they are going to do – keep their word

  • Sensitive to your needs and supportive of your personal growth/development

  • Can remain calm and rational during conflict – apologize when necessary

  • They have their own boundaries, and they respect yours

Yellow flags (usually occur prior to red flags and can be a bit confusing)

  • Deliberate put downs or are verbally disrespectful

  • They are jealous and/or only want you to spend time with them

  • Avoid conflict – become angry quickly/irrationally

  • Talk negatively about you in front of others

  • Pressure you into doing things you are uncomfortable doing

Red flags (these signs usually indicate an abusive relationship and can get worse overtime)

  • Tell you how to dress or act and isolate you from friends or family

  • Physically harm you or force you to perform sexual acts

  • Use of demeaning or threatening language wit you

  • Make you feel afraid, manipulated, controlled, “crazy”

  • Stalk you physically or virtually

Here’s how YOU can be a Prevention Partner:​

  • Take the pledge to end domestic violence! https://www.connectnyc.org/take-the-pledge/

  • Try to understand and empathize with victims and survivors of domestic violence!​ Hear their stories and offer support.

  • Prepare yourself to address domestic violence, memorize possible red flags and ensure you are prepared to encourage others to stand up for themselves.

  • Enroll yourself or your youth into one of the comprehensive programs offered by Touchstone Health Services. For more information on the programs, visit https://carecoalitionaz.org/​

Check out these resources for more information:​

It is important that you remain safe and know what to do in case you find yourself or others in one of these dangerous situations. There are a series of resources available free of charge to anyone in need.

  • Non-emergency lines:

    • Phoenix Police 602-262-6151
    • Glendale Police 623-930-3000
    • Avondale Police 623-333-7000
    • Tolleson Police 623-936-7186

  • QuickTrip “Safe Place” (QT gas stations)

    • Scared? Need help? Text “safe” and your location to 69866
    • Go to any QuickTrip in the valley and tell an employee you need a “safe place”
    • They will connect you with professional help

  • A New Leaf’s Faith House (24/7)

    • 480-890-3039
    • Emergency shelter, safety planning, domestic violence education, housing services, children’s services, food and clothing services

  • Loveisrespect.org

    • 1-866-331-9474
    • Information resources, and hotline/text support
    • Text “loveis” to 22522

  • Tumbleweed (24/7)

    • 602-842-5799
    • Provides emergency shelter and resources to youth
    • Phoenix – Valley-wide